Wayfarers of Veeshan

20 Ways to Get Rid of a Blind Date



1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.

2. Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.

3. Repeat every third third word you say say.

4. Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for your high school yearbook.

5. Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.

6. Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.

7. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table.

8. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themselves.

9. When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.

10. Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you. Then start eating from your date's plate. Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.

11. Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask him/her "What in the hell took you so long in the restroom?!?"

12. Repeatedly ask your date how much money they have with them.

13. Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous.

14. Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.

15. Hum. Loudly. In monotone.

16. Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper shakers, silverware, floral arrangements...basically anything on the table that isn't bolted down.

17. Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.

18. Bring 20 or so candles with you, and during the meal get up and arrange them around the table in a circle. Chant.

19. Insist that the waiter cuts your food into little pieces then insist that he take a bite of everything on the plate, to make sure no one poisoned it.

20. Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.